I Wanna Quit the Gym!

Another joy of moving all the time is finding a new dentist.  Really, it's not a big deal, but you want to make sure to find a good one that is preferably not working out of a shed with their name tacked on a broken piece of plywood out front.   So, after much research, I found the best one here in Clovis... with a real office made of bricks! 

I called for a teeth cleaning appointment a couple of weeks ago and verified that they took our insurance.  Yes they do, but before I can get my teeth cleaned, I have to have an orientation visit.  OK.  That's new, but I'll bite.  So to speak.

I figured since it was an "orientation" that I could bring Max.  They are also reputed to be a very family friendly place.  I showed up, 5 minutes late due to the fact that Llano Estacado is a very sprawling road, and was very impressed with the office.  But even more than that, they were SO friendly!  I immediately liked the place.  The front desk staff started to play with Max, I filled out 4 pages of relevant questions like "have you ever had a bypass surgery", and then they took me back.  First order of business was to take xrays... of every single tooth.  While enough radiation was being shot into my mouth to destroy a small planet, Max was in the hall playing with the sweet receptionist.  It was a pretty cool xray machine, I have to admit.  They had a computer hooked up that immediately showed my teeth.  Fascinating.  After that, another hygienist came in to "assess" my gums.  Before that, she showed me a flip chart of various stages of gum disease.  I was then given a pamphlet on how periodontal disease has been linked with cardiovascular disease, diabetes, cancer, and any other horrible body system failures.  What was truly scary though, was the doctor pictured on the cover because damn, those are some bushy eyebrows.  The hygienist then showed me the "probe."  Please note that I do not like the word "probe."  This probe is inserted into your gums and has millimeter notches on it.  If it goes in further than a 3, then you are probably dying of gum rot or something horrible like that. 

So, let the probing begin.  It was at that point that I was cursing the fact that I had so many teeth.  Because they probed the front and back of EVERY tooth.  Another hygienist came in to mark the results in my "file."    Most of my results were a 2.  So I don't have perfect gums!  Do YOU have two bars cemented to the back of your teeth that have been there for oh lets say, 14 years??  Do you have to spend 30 minutes a night threading a wire between your teeth to floss?  (I'll devote another post to the fact that I have at some point in my life had every dental device invented in my mouth).  But for now, let it be written that I, Susannah, don't have perfect gums.

After this assessment, the dentist came in.  It was time for my oral cancer assessment.  You know, from all my years of smoking and dipping.  I passed!

Now comes the teeth poking.  Not so bad.  No cavities.

Alas, I was done.  I could schedule a cleaning and all would be good in the world.  But... what is that?  They have to "discuss" the results of my assessments?  After which, they will put me on a program?  Okay.  Specifically, a Soft Tissue Management (trademark) Treatment Program.  I just want to have my teeth cleaned people!

So, after a few minutes, I was briefed on the future of my dentition.  First of all, I have gingivitis.  When I heard this, the world stopped turning, my heart skipped a beat, and I was plunged into a world of disbelief.  NOT GINGIVITIS!!!!!  NOOOOOO!!!!!  SAY IT ISN'T SO!!!!  Yes Susannah, you have gingivitis.  And if you let it go any further, you could die of these (points to scary periodontal pamphlet) diseases.  Do you want this?  No, not really.  Well then, first thing we need to do is see you back next week where we will flush your gums with antibiotics.  We will then give you some to take home and you will do a home flushing for a week.  We will then see you back again where you will be given a Rotadent.  A Rota what?  A Rotadent.  A really fancy toothbrush that will change your world as you know it.  Oh.  If at that point your gums look better, we will schedule a cleaning.

Gee whiz people.

I was then ushered to the back office where appointments would be made and insurance would be discussed.  After a quick look at my "program" I could see that my cost of this whole shindig would be $240.  $120 of that was the fancy toothbrush.   Uh, I don't think so.  At this point I felt like Chandler in the episode of Friends where all he wants to do is quit the gym.  I just want my TEETH CLEANED!  When I said this, the insurance lady said that she couldn't authorize a change in my program and that she would have to call the hygienist back.  She said this with a very disappointed look on her face like "you want to die then?"  The hygienist promptly came back with a look on her face like someone had in fact just died.  I told her that I wasn't comfortable paying over what insurance covers and that I just simply want my teeth cleaned.  While I was explaining this I couldn't help but feel horribly guilty and horribly cheap.  What was wrong with me??  Did I have a periodontal death wish??  I snapped back to reality and held firm to my teeth cleaning only wish.  It was explained to me that IF I was to reject my program that I would have to sign a medical waver.  Kind of like what you see in ER... if you reject treatment, we won't take responsibility for your horrible and untimely death.  So I signed a form that read this (I have a copy)...

• We have advised you this date that you have gingivitis or early/moderate/advanced periodontitis.  (Gingivitis was circled).  You have been informed that periodontal pockets are indicators of this disease.  You have been told you have the following:  10 bleeding points.  You understand that Periodontal Disease is progressive and that failure to treat the disease may result (bolded) in the eventual loss of your teeth.  I also understand that evidence now links gum disease to a variety of health concerns including Heart Disease, Stroke, Diabetes, and other degenerative diseases that are life threatening. (footnote here to an American Academy of Periodontology (cool word) journal)

So now that I have signed my death warrant may I please make an appointment to clean my teeth?  That shouldn't be a problem they all said in unison.   See you next Tuesday.

Comments

[Kathy]

That reminds me of a walk-in clinic that I went to in high school. All I wanted was a document saying I could play soccer; I walked out with the impression that I was about to die on the spot. All a ploy to get a little more money out of you. Or the naturopathic doctor who knew that I was vegan and consumed no meat or dairy products -- she still claimed I was allergic to them and needed to be treated. "Treated" being defined as my holding little vials containing the essence of meat and dairy (whatever that means) while she briefly massaged my back. While the massage might have been nice, it hardly seemed worth the $60. [That said, other aspects of naturopathic medicine can actually be quite helpful.] Gotta love Friends!

[Mom]

Say it isn't so?!?!? Have you inherited my teeth (in addition to my MOUTH!)?!?!?!

[Ashley]

Oh my GOODNESS!!! I had the exact same dental experience in Liberty Lake (minus the bushy eyebrow pamphlet and they were playing with Katelyn not Max)!!! They seriously made me feel like I didn't take care of my teeth and that it was only a matter of time before I died. They finally laid off a bit when tears started welling up in my eyes. I just wanted to go back to my other dentist in Utah that I had gone to for the last 15 years and after my cleaning have him say "As always, your teeth look great." Even if he was lying, I liked it better that way. It looks like the big 3-0 is fast approaching - we are starting to fall apart :)

[That One Bushy Unibrow Guy]

Wow... I always wondered why I go 7-10 years between dentist appointments. Thanks for the remiinder! :)

[That One Trademarked Guy™]

By the way, I wanted to tell you how to do the Trademark symbol so you don't have to type: (trademarked) anymore...

Just hold ALT and press 0153 on the numeric kepyad on your keyboard... ™

There ya go.

[Lins]

OH MY GOSH! Our wonderful NHS system doesn't include a great dental service for sure, but your experience made me almost profoundly grateful for the fact that I can't get an appointment to replace a crown until after Christmas!

[Mom]

What's tonsil hockey? (I really want to know since you listed it as your favorite sport in your "about" section.)